Katie's Island
by lizfanfiction
Summary: Another parody, and this one's sure to be fun! House meets Gilligan's Island when the whole team crashes on an island while on their way to a medical conference.
1. Theme Song

Katie's Island – By Liz

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale  
A tale of a fateful trip.  
That started from the boating dock  
Aboard the Hameron ship.  
The nurse was a mighty clueless girl.  
The driver annoyed to be sure.  
Seven passengers went for a sail that day  
For a medical conference, a medical conference….  
The weather started getting rough  
And the Tom-Tom had long been tossed.  
If not for the nagging of the feckless crew  
They would never have been lost; they would never have been lost.  
The boat docked on a sandy beach of this island for a while  
With Nurse Katie, Foreman too  
The Dean of Medicine, and her Wife, (Wilson: I am not her wife!)  
The Floppy Haired One, Gregory House and Ally Cam  
Are stuck on this island for a while!

Theme song by Andrew, with moderations by myself.

CAST: Nurse Katie as Gilligan; Foreman as the Skipper; House as the Professor; Cuddy as Mr. Howell; Wilson as Mrs. Howell; Chase as Ginger; Cameron as Mary Ann.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

There was a loud thud as the small boat crashed onto the shore of some unknown island. Nobody really knew which island it was because they weren't aware of any islands being just south of New Jersey. Nonetheless, the point still stands that Cuddy, Wilson, House, Cameron, Foreman, Chase and Nurse Katie had all crashed and were stuck on the island.

Of course, Cuddy was infuriated with this fact. Not only was she upset that she would be missing the medical conference, but she was also upset that the boat that she'd rented as a way to save money on plane tickets was now totaled. Cuddy began to storm around the beach in all her fury, not knowing what to do.

"Calm down," said Foreman nonchalantly as he helped Nurse Katie off of the boat. Nurse Katie had a reputation for her intelligence, or lack there of, but everyone adored her anyways. Ever since his break-up with Wendy, Foreman had clung to Katie for moral support. He wasn't claiming a relationship, but he didn't mind having that stunning little blonde haired nurse around at all.

Cuddy was even angrier now. "Calm down?! How can I calm down when you've crashed my boat on some island?!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Foreman. "That's not really fair. If you'd have just bought us plane tickets in the first place, then we wouldn't be in this mess!"

Cuddy didn't feel the need to respond to this. Instead, she helped Wilson scavenge through the parts of the boat that hadn't been damaged. Chase was doing the same, but he seemed to only be in pursuit of his own things.

Meanwhile, House had limped off the boat and was lying in the sand. He was apparently making good use of a pile of palm leaves by forming them into a pillow.

Cameron, on the other hand, seemed rather panicked. She didn't really know what to do now. She'd had her little heart set on getting to that conference, and by golly, she was just crushed. She staggered over to House to find out what to do.

"Dr. House?" she asked.

House opened his eyes to find Cameron in a stunning top with the shirt tied above her belly button. The knot just provided a greater support to push her breasts up even more. House only wished she'd shown up to work like this more often. "What?"

"What are we going to do?" she cried. "We're stuck here!"

"So it would seem," said House. "I suppose we'll just have to make do for now."

"For now?" asked Cameron. "What do you mean for now? You have a plan to get us off of the island?!"

Needless to say, House was already working on a brilliant scheme to escape.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The whole team had managed to salvage everything possible from their boat, with the exception of House who didn't help at all. The gang was busy working on some shelter, but House had decided not to do any manual labor as well. He was, after all, a cripple. However, House did inform the team of the latest bamboo architecture and the best way they could build their huts.

"Is this right?" asked Cameron, doing her best to lift the shoot of bamboo to meet the one that Chase was trying to lift (trying, but failing).

House nodded. "Sure, that works I guess."

"What do you mean 'that works'?" asked Chase. "I thought you knew how to build huts!"

"Of course I know how to build huts!" House pretended to be shocked. After living in Africa (briefly, mind you), and various parts of Asia, he would hope that Chase believed him when he said he knew how to build a hut. Let's not mention the fact that House never had to actually live in a hut.

Cameron rolled her eyes at Chase. "I told you he knew what he was doing."

Chase cast Cameron an angry glare. She was always just stealing his limelight by putting the spotlight on House. How typical. "Whatever," he sighed as he tried to lift the shoot of bamboo once more.

"Come on, Chase," whined House. "Use those muscles."

"What muscles?" asked Cameron with a giggle.

This comment earned a smirk from House.

Chase, on the other hand, didn't find it very funny at all. He just dropped the bamboo shoot and stormed in the opposite direction.

"Oh come on, Chase!" shouted House. He couldn't lose one of his slaves (no, workers; they were workers) now. They had huts to build!

"Chase!" whined Cameron, hoping that she wouldn't have to build the huts herself.

"It was just a joke," said House with a roll of the eyes. Chase could be so immature at times (maybe he really was learning something from House).

"Don't be a baby," griped Cameron. Looks like Chase isn't the only juvenile. At least her hair wasn't as floppy.

Chase ignored their comments and stormed off into some random part of the tropical island. His departure caught the attention of the other castaways, though.

Wilson, Cuddy, Foreman, and Katie looked up from their scraps (they were busy searching for anything that might be useful, including food) to watch Chase storm off into the distance. What a baby.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Well, Cameron had managed to finish building the huts with the help of Foreman and Katie. Chase hadn't been seen for the last three hours, and it was time for dinner, so they all decided to eat without him. If he wanted to eat, then he could cook some wild animal, or he could march right back to their little camp and eat. They didn't really care which.

House, Cuddy, Wilson, Foreman, Cameron, and Katie all sat down around the bonfire that Cuddy and her wife had built (Wilson: We are not married!).

"What did you guys find?" asked Cameron.

House didn't really care, however. He was willing to eat anything, so he grabbed the nearest bag of snack food.

"What's that?" asked Cameron. She leaned up against House to read what the bag said.

House opened the bag without even reading the name of the snack. Cameron, on the other hand, actually cared what entered her body. She grabbed the bag from House and read it:

**Jimmy Snacks!**

Cameron shrugged. Anything called Jimmy Snacks couldn't be that bad, right?

&&&&&

Of course, three hours later, House and Cameron were completely dazed. They had made it a point to find a hut of their own to have a little private time. The Jimmy Snacks had them going at it like bunnies on crack.

House shook his head. "My god," House sighed. "What did you get into?"

Cameron had a wild look on her face. "I haven't eaten anything since dinner." She held up the bag of Jimmy Snacks.

House, who was hungry as always, grabbed the bag from her and began to eat more. This provided a good view of the back of the bag for Cameron, though. While House was munching away, Cameron read the ingredients; they were one shock after another.

"What's wrong?" asked House.

Cameron grabbed the bag of Jimmy Snacks from House and read the front of the bag. Under the title, was the snack's slogan….

**Jimmy Snacks: The afternoon snack that's better than crack!**

House refused to let Cameron throw the snacks out, though, so they finished them off together before having another go at it.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, Cameron and House emerged from their private hut to find the sun brightly shining and the island rather noisy. Over the sounds of the waves, the two could hear the marital arguments of Cuddy and her wife (Wilson: We are not… Oh never mind.) Katie was yelling at Foreman, who apparently, wasn't doing all he could to find the most valuable member of their team (in her eyes at least), Chase. Foreman thought otherwise. However, the constant arguing stopped when Cameron and House stepped into their midst.

"Where the hell have you two been?" asked Wilson.

"Somebody ate all the Jimmy Snacks," said Cuddy angrily. "We need to know who!" Cuddy took this moment to cast Wilson an accusing glare.

"For the last time," shouted Wilson. "It wasn't me!"

Cuddy put her hands on her hips that shockingly resembled the trademark Wilson pose. "Then who do you suppose it was?"

"Maybe it was the whimpering wombat," suggested House. Cameron cast him a glance as if to plead House to stop picking on her coworker, but she knew it was useless.

Katie, on the other hand, was excited. "Chase?! You think he could have been here!? So he's not lost after all?!"

House shrugged. In all honesty, he didn't really care who had stolen the Jimmy Snacks. It angered him more was that there were none left.

"We have to find him!" shouted Katie. "Oh, Dr. House, what do we do?"

Now, House was never one to disappoint of course. He, like all of the other castaways, had developed a certain liking for Katie, and it was just an added bonus that if he found Chase, he wouldn't have to interview anyone when he returned to Princeton. "Fine," he said. "We'll come up with a plan."

Katie grinned.

"We'll split up," said House, "And we'll search for Chase that way."

Katie nodded. "Sounds great, Dr. House!"

"Okay," said House. "I'll go with Cameron. Cuddy, you take your wife. And Katie and Foreman, you go together. Sound good?"

Wilson was about to yell at House once again for calling him Cuddy's wife, but decided it was useless. "We'll meet back at sunset."

With that, the islanders embarked on their search for the wombat.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Cuddy and Wilson immediately took off in the direction of the jungle, fighting all the way. Cuddy was apparently still upset about her boat and now the Jimmy Snacks. Wilson, on the other hand, was worried that he'd ruin his shoes.

"Oh stop complaining," said Cuddy with a roll of her eyes. "If we ever get off this island, your shoes are probably the last thing you'll be thinking about."

"That's so not true!" exclaimed Wilson. "Do you know how much these cost me?!"

"No," sighed Cuddy. "I suppose you'll tell me though."

"They cost me over a hundred dollars!"

"Since when do men care so much about their footwear?" Cuddy gave Wilson a suggestive glance.

Wilson blushed. "It's not my fault I like to look nice, okay?"

"Whatever," said Cuddy with an obvious giggle. She led Wilson towards a ditch of mud. They wouldn't be able to continue their search without going through it.

"Oh no," said Wilson, shaking his head. "There is no way I'm going through that."

"And why not?" Cuddy walked through the ditch and onto the other side.

Wilson looked down at his feet and pointed. "The shoes, remember?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "God, Jimmy, no wonder House calls you my wife."

Wilson's face turned red. "That's not very fair," he said. "After all, we aren't even married."

"Well, if we were, you'd be the wife," said Cuddy smugly.

"Why do you want to be the husband so much?" asked Wilson knowingly.

Cuddy's jaw dropped. "Wilson, get your a-s over here this instant, or I'm going on without you!"

Wilson heaved a sigh before carefully tip-toeing across the muddy ditch. When he got to Cuddy's side, he let out a deep breath.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" asked Cuddy playfully.

"When we get back to Princeton, you're buying me a new pair of shoes," said Wilson looking down. He noticed his shoes weren't the only part to get muddy though. "And pants."

Cuddy rolled her eyes at him. "No way in hell am I spending hundreds of dollars on men's shoes."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Cameron and House wandered off in the opposite direction of Cuddy and Wilson. They still had quite a bit of bushes, shrubs, and trees ahead though.

"We aren't going to go in there, are we?" said Cameron with a hint of fear in her voice.

"You're afraid of the jungle?" House almost laughed.

"You aren't afraid?" asked Cameron wearily. "We don't even know where we are; how are we supposed to know what kind of animals we'll find in there… or worse… bugs." Cameron shivered.

House rolled his eyes. He grabbed Cameron's arm and led her quickly into the jungle. "You want to save Chase, don't you?"

Cameron had to think about this one. "Not particularly."

House smirked. "What about the Jimmy Snacks?"

Cameron's thoughts drifted to the night before. She quickly followed House into the dark and damp jungle before her. "Only for the Jimmy Snacks."

"That's my girl," said House with a grin.

Cameron tried to look around, but found that it was too hard to do so in the shadows. Without realizing what was in front of her, Cameron tripped on some type of vine. "Ouch!" she bellowed and began to rub her knee.

"Are you okay?" asked House. He offered a barely visible hand to her, which Cameron used to stand up.

"I just hurt my knee," she said. "I'll be fine. I just wish it weren't so dark in here."

As if on key, a light appeared in between House and Cameron.

Cameron gasped in astonishment. "Where did you get that?" she asked. "How did you do that?"

House proudly showed Cameron his handmade flashlight. "I found some light bulbs in the boat," he said nonchalantly.

"But how—?" Cameron's question was interrupted by House's answer.

House rolled his eyes as if it were almost a stupid question. "Everyone knows lemons can generate power."

"But don't you also need—?" Cameron was about to question how realistic his flashlight was.

"I said lemons generate power!" said House quickly. "No more questions!"

Cameron glanced at him slightly confused. How does one go about making a flashlight out of lemons, bamboo, and light bulbs?


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Katie cheerily skipped straight ahead into the jungle, followed by Foreman. They were both eager to find Chase, but for different reasons. Foreman didn't want to have to deal with House's crappy mood if they had to interview someone else. Katie simply wanted Chase for his good looks. How she loved that floppy hair.

"Do you think he's all right?" asked Katie, the fear evident in her eyes.

Foreman rolled his eyes. "I'm sure he's fine," he said.

Katie smiled at his reassurance.

"He's probably just munching on the Jimmy Snacks somewhere," he added.

This made Katie frown. "You don't like Chase much, do you?"

Foreman sighed. "Katie, he's an opportunist. If he sees a bag of Jimmy Snacks, he's bound to take it."

"Do you think if he saw me, he'd take me?"

This made Foreman roll his eyes. "Why do you like him so much?"

"What's not to like?" said Katie dreamily. "He's got floppy hair, he's smart, and that accent! Oh, that amazing accent!"

Foreman shook his head in disbelief. "You sound just like his type."

Instead of being offended like most would, Katie simply grinned. "You think so?!"

This made Foreman laugh. "Yup," he said. "You're definitely his type."

With this good news in mind, Katie sped up the pace in her search for Chase. She had to find him, and soon.

"Would you slow down?" whined Foreman. He quickly ran after Katie.

"Come quick!" said Katie, who had just stopped. She gestured Foreman towards her.

"What is it?" asked Foreman as he almost ran into Katie after tripping over a vine.

"I think I hear a voice," said Katie hopefully. She continued on and peaked through the dense vegetation of the jungle.

"What do you see?" asked Foreman as he stood up from the dirty ground. He brushed off his clothes.

"I think it's Chase!" shouted Katie. "And… no… it couldn't be!"

Foreman ran to Katie's side. He was astonished by the sight before them.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Katie and Foreman gazed into a clearing in the jungle. In it was the most amazing sight that either of them had ever seen. Well, it was more comical than amazing. There were several bags of Jimmy Snacks lying on the ground. On one side of the pile was a shirtless Chase, and on the other side was an obviously hungry wombat. The two would appear to be in some sort of duel for the snacks.

"Chase!" shouted Katie. Without a thought, she ran out into the clearing to give her man a great big hug.

Chase was shocked, but relieved, to see another human. "Hey," he said in a whisper so as not to startle the wombat more than Katie already had. "Where is everybody else?"

"Foreman's over there," said Katie in her usual voice, obviously not understanding that she was upsetting the wombat. She pointed in the direction from which she came, where Foreman was still hiding. "Everyone else is still out looking for you."

"They're looking for me?" Chase was shocked that House and Cameron actually cared enough about him to embark into the jungle. No, they probably just wanted their Jimmy Snacks back. That made more sense.

Katie nodded, and her face suddenly became bright as Wilson and Cuddy appeared at the opposite end of the clearing. They emerged from the trees, and Cuddy appeared to be laughing at the sight before her. Katie simply waved to them, and the wombat didn't seem to like it one bit.

Noticing the wombat's increasing aggression, Chase whispered in Katie's ear. "Katie, I need you to go back with Foreman now."

Katie frowned. "But I want to stay with you…."

Chase sighed. "Katie it'll be safer, please?" There, that should do it.

Katie was excited to know that Chase cared about her safety, so she obliged. "Fine," she sighed. "But just for you!" She skipped off in the direction of Foreman, occasionally tripping along the way.

&-&-&-&-&

Meanwhile, House and Cameron had found the same clearing and emerged from the trees not to far from Wilson and Cuddy actually (how was that possible if they'd headed in opposite directions? No matter!). House nearly laughed out loud when he saw Chase battling it out with an actual wombat to win the Jimmy Snacks. Oh, this was too good. House took this opportunity to pull his cell phone from his pocket and take a picture of the sight before him. The clicking camera sound alarmed the wombat, who began to charge their way.

Cameron gasped. "House!" she shouted. "Look what you've done!"

House quickly dove to the side and pulled Cameron along with him.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The wombat continued to charge in the direction of House and Cameron, but it passed them right up, apparently not realizing that they had just dove to the side.

Cameron heaved a sigh. "That was close."

House nodded in agreement. Since when were wombats so aggressive?

"Thanks for saving me," said Cameron. Blush crawled over her face.

House noticed her blush. "No problem."

Unfortunately, wombats aren't as dumb as they appear (so why was House always comparing Chase to one?). The wombat had realized that the two humans were no longer in his line of vision, but he did hear voices. Once again, he charged in the direction of House and Cameron.

House immediately pushed Cameron down the hill and into the clearing. He followed suite. They both quickly got up and ran (okay, so House "quickly limped") in the direction of Foreman and Katie. With some help from Wilson and Cuddy, who had just joined the party, House finally made it out of the clearing in one piece. Unfortunately, the wombat was still chasing them.

Wilson put House's arm around his shoulder so they could move slightly faster. Katie and Chase ran for dear life towards the beach. Cuddy and Cameron followed their men. Foreman ran ahead, occasionally glancing back to make sure the wombat hadn't caught up with any member of their party yet.

Now, considering they aren't they fittest of creatures, the wombat was having troubles catching up with any member of the group. As soon as they had neared the beach, they all noticed that the wombat was no longer following them. He had probably realized he didn't eat human, and he could now safely go back to retrieve the pile of Jimmy Snacks.

All the castaways regrouped on the beach and caught their breath before speaking. It was House, as usual, who spoke first.

"All that trouble," House sighed. "And you didn't even get us the damn Jimmy Snacks?"

Everyone, including Cameron, rolled their eyes.

"Just be thankful we're alive," said Chase. He knew House had only cared about those Jimmy Snacks!

Cameron sighed. "Well, we don't have anymore food thanks to Chase," she gave him a glare. "So what do we do now?"

Everyone had the same question in mind, and they all began staring at each other expectantly.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Noticing the sudden tension between the castaways, everyone had set about their own duties, or lack there of. Cameron was busy gathering food while Cuddy was busy keeping said food away from Chase. Katie was also doing her part to keep Chase away from the food, although her motives were a bit different. She had taken Chase to a small spring and was trying to talk him into skinny dipping with her. Wilson was sitting on the beach scrubbing his shoes with his already dirty pants. He was determined to get them clean. And House had gone from sunbathing to inspecting the boat with Foreman. They were both hoping to find a spare battery so they could get off this blasted island once and for all.

"Have you found anything yet?" asked Foreman.

House shook his head. "Nothing yet."

Foreman frowned as Cameron and Cuddy came over.

"How's the search coming?" asked Cuddy.

"The battery died," House sighed. "We won't be able to get off the island without a spare. Neither Foreman nor I have been able to find one."

"Whatever happened to your lemon power?" asked Cameron with a smirk.

House rolled his eyes. "That only works with flashlights. Duh!"

Cameron wasn't sure if this was a joke or not.

"Well," sighed Cuddy. "I guess we're stuck here until someone comes along then."

Everyone nodded in sadness when they suddenly noticed a commotion coming from just off shore. It was Katie yelling at someone. Cameron and Cuddy ran to her aid.

Katie had something large and obviously heavy in her hands, and she was attempting to hit some type of bird with it.

"Shoo!" she shouted. "Shoo! Get away, you stupid bird!"

The bird finally flew away, and Katie sighed. She was about to toss the heavy object aside, but Cameron and Cuddy stopped her.

"What's that?" asked Cuddy quickly.

Katie shrugged. "I found it in the boat," she said.

Cameron grabbed the object from Katie's hands. It was the battery! Cameron smacked her palm to her forehead. "Katie, how long have you known about this?"

Katie shrugged. "I've been using it to shoo birds away since we got here."

**FIN!**


End file.
